keys to the ivy league

q&a from my formspring.

Q: Pro-porn? I feel porn has ruined sex, taken the idea of love, passion, and emotion out of it. Do you not agree?

A: No I do not agree at all, but what an amazing question. Yes, I am pro-porn and I am sex-positive. (This is going to be a long answer, so stick around) Let me start with what sex-positive means, before people start jumping to conclusions. Being sex-positive, I believe that sex is an inherently good thing, that sex is not disgusting or taboo, that sex should be talked about, and that we as a culture have been repressing sex to make it this hush-hush "dirty" thing. I also believe that each person's sexual desires are different, along with what turns them on or gets them off. I'm not judging anyone's preferences. As long as things are consensual, then go for it. I may not personally get my jollies out of tentacle porn, but if you do, more power to ya. I'm very pro-pleasure. Do what makes you happy, as long as it's legal. Being pro-porn for me goes hand in hand with sex-positivity. I'll break it down, point by point.
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First, I like pornography. I enjoy watching sex, and it is a pleasurable thing. I don't do it very often, but I don't judge those who do(reasonably! porn can be like a drug. see "sex rehab with dr. drew"). I also don't use it as a substitute for the real thing, because really, it can't compare.


-The porn industry is such a fascinating and profitable place. The majority of the porn in the industry is produced by real business companies, with consensual, legal actors and actresses who are required to take monthly, or sometimes weekly STD tests. It's a safe legal practice, and no one gets hurt. What's tarnishing this reputation is the recent outburst of homemade porn, where the people in it may or may not be of legal age, and it may or may not be consensual. That kind of porn, I am not pro. I am very much against. 


-Porn is interesting, and it's not afraid to explore what's not seen as culturally "normal". It tries to appeal to people of all types, or all interests. People are always worried if what they like or what they do is "normal". The truth is, there is no set standard of where we draw the line between normal and weird. Normal doesn't exist when it comes to sexuality. We don't know enough, and people have so many different preferences. It's nice to see that this is explored through porn, as people of all types and sexual preferences are likely to find something that turns them on. People in porn are also interesting, as I saw when I met Jennie Ketcham. She was an amazing person to talk to and I feel so lucky to have been able to have a personal talk with her. 


-Porn shows you what's out there. Some people stick to the missionary position their entire life. How boring! Porn can show you new things to try, or even teach you more about your body. There are so many women who live their entire lives not knowing how to properly masturbate and that's so sad! Porn can help. It also allows a safe experience of sexual alternatives and things you wouldn't actually enact in real life, such as fantasies. Here's where anti-porn coalitions normally step in. They tend to state that the fantasies experienced in porn create unrealistic expectations, cause people (and men) to reenact the scenes in real life, and that they depict women as objects in degrading scenes. Let's examine this. First, there's the unrealistic expectations. I firmly believe that only adults should be allowed access to porn, which is technically the rule, but with the internet, it is impossible to enforce. It's enforced for a reason. If a young child views porn, they have not yet matured into a sensible character, therefore they are easily swayed and influenced and that's where the unrealistic expectations come from. However, an adult is an adult. They can make decisions for themselves, they can choose from right and wrong, and they know the difference between reality and fantasy. Role-playing and fantasy porn goes into a different category than real-life sex. A mature adult is able to make that distinction. It's the same thing as a woman watching a sappy romance, like the notebook. It doesn't mean that she will have such high unrealistic expectations for her next relationship. She knows the entire story was fabricated, and she knows what reality is really like. Regarding reenacting the scenes, such as the rape scenes, let's take a step back and look at what is being said. Rape is seen in pornography, which leads to men wanting to rape women in their everyday lives. That's preposterous. That's the same thing as saying murder is seen on tv, or violence is seen in video games, and that leads people to murder others in real life, or people to become violent after playing grand theft auto or listening to angry music. The correlation is non-existent and it cannot be proven. We're adults. We're not sheep. To quote my parents, if jack said it was cool and jumped off of a bridge, would you follow him and jump off of the bridge too? For the last point regarding the objectification of women and degradation of them, that's definitely up to interpretation. Yes, women are objectified in porn, but so are the men! There is nothing inherently degrading about pornography, we just think it's so thanks to the morals of the church that say that women are not sexual beings. Porn isn't just for men, as many believe. Porn is for everyone, no matter your taste, as I stated above. The belief that porn is just for men's pleasure stems from the "female purity" that has been a mainstay in our culture since colonial times, when the male was allowed to actively be sexual because his sperm was actively in pursuit of the female, who is supposed to be passive and pure, like her eggs, which just let themselves be ravaged by the male sperm, not actively participating. This has also blossomed into the myth that "females don't masturbate". And this whole female passivity is what I believe has to change. Women are sexual beings just as much as men are. We watch porn, we masturbate, we like sex, we just feel guilty about all of it because of the social stigma and stereotypes that have been passed down through the ages. Women are so embarrassed about their sexuality, about being turned on by things, about touching themselves, and it shouldn't be like that. That's why things such as the female orgasm seminar are amazing; it means that as a society, we are finally beginning to progress in the terms of speaking openly about female sexuality, removing the negative connotations associated with it. 


Now, regarding your direct question, you say that pornography has ruined sex, and has taken the idea of love, passion, and emotion out of it. Here, you are mistaken. If anything, pornography has the ability to make sex even better, as you and your partner can watch it together as foreplay, or you can even learn new things from it. This goes back to separating pornography from reality, viewing it as just another form of entertainment, such as a movie or chick flick. As I said, the same may be said of chick flicks. Some may say that chick flicks have ruined relationships, taking the idea of love, and passion, and emotion to levels that are far too unrealistic for today's world. But we all know that's not true. We can tell what's real and what's fake. We're adults. 


Pornography falls under the aspect of free speech and expression, and it is legitimate entertainment for consenting adults. People
should never feel shame regarding what turns them on. We should not feel as though we have to hide it in the shadows. Sexuality
 should not be seen as dirty, shameful, sinful, offensive, sickening. It's natural, it's healthy. I am a sexual woman. I watch porn. I like 
sex. I'm not ashamed to admit it, and I'm not going to apologize for it. I am me. Deal with it.