just hearing it again floods your mind with memories, emotions, feelings, recollections.
it's insane.
almost like we can use songs to compartmentalize memories subconsciously.
you never know what a song will make you think of,
whether its kissing an ex in the rain, graduating from middle school, playing varsity tennis, experiencing a broken heart for the first time, or even something as trite as eating ramen noodles.
recently, the roomie and i had a nostalgia kick and listened to some old alt rock we used to love.
the things that came back to me were so weird.
i love love love the present, but i'm not going to lie, i sure as hell miss the past.
two days and i've not slept a wink,
these thoughts that i've been thinking.
this is the mark i aim to miss (again.)
you toss and turn, i lie awake.
who knows what i've been drinking?
another cheap, meaningless kiss (to give).
from the beginning,
dulled down and lost with all it's charm.
i just want to wake up, wake up in someone else's arms.
these thoughts that i've been thinking.
this is the mark i aim to miss (again.)
you toss and turn, i lie awake.
who knows what i've been drinking?
another cheap, meaningless kiss (to give).
from the beginning,
dulled down and lost with all it's charm.
i just want to wake up, wake up in someone else's arms.
When your only friends are hotel rooms
Hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight
These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?
Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands
I thought you said forever
(Over and over)
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
(Over and over)
Complaints of violins become my only friends
Hands are distant lullabies
If I could turn around I would tonight
These roads never seemed so long
Since your paper heart stopped beating leaving me suddenly alone
Will daybreak ever come?
Who's gonna call on Sunday morning?
Who's gonna drive you home?
I just want one more chance
To put my arms in fragile hands
I thought you said forever
(Over and over)
A sleepless night becomes bitter oblivion
These thoughts run through my head
(Over and over)
Complaints of violins become my only friends
I’m lost for you,
With every moment stays true.
I'd go as far as to say,
That I, miss you.
So far away,
I missed my one chance to say,
So long to memories of years that passed away.
With every moment stays true.
I'd go as far as to say,
That I, miss you.
So far away,
I missed my one chance to say,
So long to memories of years that passed away.
Take back everything you ever said
You never meant a word of it
You never did
Take back everything you said
You never meant a word of it
You never did
She said, 'Alright, alright slow down'
Oh no, oh no we won't
Cause I regret everything that I said
To ever make her feel like she was something special
Or that she ever really mattered
Or did she ever really matter?
You never meant a word of it
You never did
Take back everything you said
You never meant a word of it
You never did
She said, 'Alright, alright slow down'
Oh no, oh no we won't
Cause I regret everything that I said
To ever make her feel like she was something special
Or that she ever really mattered
Or did she ever really matter?
When our time is up
When our lives are done
Will we say, we've had our fun
Will we make a mark this time
Will we always say we tried
We're standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
When our lives are done
Will we say, we've had our fun
Will we make a mark this time
Will we always say we tried
We're standing on the rooftops
Everybody scream your heart out
Oh no, this couldn't be more unexpected
And I can tell I've been moving in so slow
Don't let it throw you off too far
Cause I'll be running right behind you
Oohhh, when I'm around you I'm predictable
Cause I believe in loving you at first sight
I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to..
To take a hold of you
Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously
Oh you're everything I'm wanting
Come to think of it, I'm aching
On account of my transgression..
Will you welcome this confession?
And I can tell I've been moving in so slow
Don't let it throw you off too far
Cause I'll be running right behind you
Oohhh, when I'm around you I'm predictable
Cause I believe in loving you at first sight
I know it's crazy but I'm hoping to..
To take a hold of you
Could this be out of line? (Could this be out of line?)
To say you're the only one breaking me down like this
You're the only one I would take a shot on
Keep me hanging on so contagiously
Oh you're everything I'm wanting
Come to think of it, I'm aching
On account of my transgression..
Will you welcome this confession?
One boy, one girl, two hearts, their world
Time goes by, secrets rise
One more, sad song, tears shed, she's gone
She'd take it back, if she only could
And all the perfect words they seem so wrong,
She's gone
You wish that you could learn to see,
The door is closed and you wish you could be
Alone with you, alone with me
What can I do, I cannot breathe
My heart is torn, for all to see
Alone with you, alone with me.
Time goes by, secrets rise
One more, sad song, tears shed, she's gone
She'd take it back, if she only could
And all the perfect words they seem so wrong,
She's gone
You wish that you could learn to see,
The door is closed and you wish you could be
Alone with you, alone with me
What can I do, I cannot breathe
My heart is torn, for all to see
Alone with you, alone with me.
Paper bags and plastic hearts
All are belongings in shopping carts
It's goodbye
But we got one more night
Let's get drunk and ride around
And make peace with an empty town
We can make it right
Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight
Tonight will change our lives
It's so good to be by your side
We'll cry
We won't give up the fight
We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs
And they'll think it's just cause we're young
And we'll feel so alive
All are belongings in shopping carts
It's goodbye
But we got one more night
Let's get drunk and ride around
And make peace with an empty town
We can make it right
Throw it away
Forget yesterday
We'll make the great escape
We won't hear a word they say
They don't know us anyway
Watch it burn
Let it die
Cause we are finally free tonight
Tonight will change our lives
It's so good to be by your side
We'll cry
We won't give up the fight
We'll scream loud at the top of our lungs
And they'll think it's just cause we're young
And we'll feel so alive
Well, if they're making it, and you're pushing it,
And you're leading us along.
The hassle of all the screaming fits,
That panic makes remorse.
After all, what's the point? 'Cause levitation is possible.
If you're a fly; achieved & gone; there's time for bliss & so much more.
It's difficult, create a world; a special place of my design.
To never cope , or never care , just use the key
'Cause he's alone (the fear has become)
He's alone (the fear has become)
And you're leading us along.
The hassle of all the screaming fits,
That panic makes remorse.
After all, what's the point? 'Cause levitation is possible.
If you're a fly; achieved & gone; there's time for bliss & so much more.
It's difficult, create a world; a special place of my design.
To never cope , or never care , just use the key
'Cause he's alone (the fear has become)
He's alone (the fear has become)
also, today feels like fall. it's my favorite season.
last fall was a difficult time for me.
i was in love. it was a great feeling. granted, the guy i was in love with was not the best person to be in love with, but at the time i was happy and that's all that matters. i don't regret it.
it was my first love, and last year, i spent $400 to come home to see him on our official 1 year anniversary. though he really disappointed me when i went home by not wanting to spend the night with me and not going through with getting a hotel room, the weekend still had its moments of being truly amazing. love can do that to you. leaving him again after the weekend was so tough. i cried. next sunday is my brother's wedding. it would have been our two years, had he not dumped me for someone in the same state as him. he was going to propose. i was going to say yes. i'm nineteen! i'm not ready to be committed to marrying someone! but i was going to go through with it, and you have no idea how excited i was. i dreamt of our house, our kitty, hell, even kids. sharing our lives together didn't scare me. and you know what, that's an amazing feeling. i can't even say that i'd be able to survive a life with my best friends right now. just comparing that to right now, it's insane how much can change in a year. now, i'm much wiser, much more experienced, but i'm so lonely. i'm jumping at any tiny opportunity or inkling that someone may be a potential relationship because i'm that desperate. i'm getting too hooked on meaningless kisses and manwhores and it's not healthy. why is it so hard to find someone here? i'm not going to ask, "what am i doing wrong?" because i really don't think this one is me. i think it's just our environment. so much weight is based on just one night that the majority is not ready to settle down. i don't know what to do and i don't know how not to feel so alone.
that same weekend i went home last fall was the weekend i got my tattoo with my then-best friend. this summer broke that relationship. she said things about me that friends should never say. it's so weird, she's here in boston right now living with her boyfriend and we don't even talk. we used to say how amazing it would be to live in boston together. it's really sad. i may try and talk to her again sometime soon. i think it's slightly childish that we haven't yet attempted to be civil with each other, and i'd have to say that's my fault. i was very hurt. normally i can't hold out on my anger for extended periods of time, so i'm surprised it lasted this long. i do miss her a lot, and i think it would be nice to have someone else in boston. we'll see what happens.
i think it's my turn for things to start going my way. i've been waiting in line for awhile.
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