keys to the ivy league

forever and a day.
always.
never forget.
until the end of time.
best thing that ever happened to me.
no one like you.
never felt this way before.
eternity isn't long enough.
you're the only one for me.
you are my life.

big fat bold faced lies. but we don't realize how stupid we sound and how much we're truly lying to ourselves until long after the relationship is dead and buried, when you read them and still feel a sting of hatred for letting yourself be lied to and for believing every word. you don't realize it until it's two months away from the date he was going to propose. you don't realize it until you realize how hard it is to find someone new that makes you feel the same way. you don't realize it until you realize that you are now damaged goods, and falling in love won't ever be that easy again. you don't realize it until you're ready to protect yourself.


and why the hell do i cry every time someone says they are proud of me? i bawl. i remember when my mom told me it for the first time just last year. i think my dad said so too in an email while i was at school. i broke down both times. i also remember breaking down when my ex told me he was, as well as when my brother told me he was. why does it affect me so much?
maybe i'm always looking for the approval i'll never get. especially with my parents. they never showed affection or love, and it seemed like no matter how good i was, i never did anything right and i was never good enough. could it be that those feelings have transferred over into all aspects of my life, so much so that when someone truthfully tells me that they're proud of me, i become so emotional and start crying? maybe. it makes sense. it's just sad.