keys to the ivy league

so the freshman is probably a player.
got my hopes up for no good reason.
i'm just hopeless sometimes.
i want to care for someone.
i want someone there so much.
i miss having that stability in my life so bad.
i know that i'll never find it if i'm looking for it,
but i can't help it.
i think it'd be better if i had never been in a serious relationship,
and i didn't know what i was missing out on.
it sucks now, knowing what i had, how it felt.
will i get that again? or will i always be this fucking lonely?
i just don't know.
i'm latching onto these little glimmers of hope and then getting screwed over when they aren't what they appear to be.
i know i'm a good person.
i know i'd be a good girlfriend.
i don't think it's any fault of mine that i'm currently single.
so i just don't know what to do?
where's my luck?
when will things swing in my favor?
i miss kissing someone and meaning it.
and holding hands, and falling asleep together.
and idk, i just am sad.
i am very sad.